HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
-
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
-
Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
-
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
anonymous
27/08/2023
last year when i was thirteen i was basically depressed and i cut my wrists quite a lot of times, i then met this boy through my cousin, he was 18, at first i said i was 16 for a joke but then told him i was 13 and he said we could still be friends, as we got to know each other he made me feel so good about myself and i loved the attention he gave me he actually made me keep going, we decided to meet up and we were talking about engaging in sexual activity and that it might happen, i didnt live in the same town as him so he drove to where i lived and picked me up and we went back to his, we went up stairs and started snogging and he started fingering me he then started to strip and he strips me too, he then said we should have sex so i agreed, when he put his penis inside me it really hurt, i'd had sex once before but it wasnt much and didnt hurt, this time it did, i wanted to stop and tried to get up but he wouldnt let me he grabbed my hips and was trying to convince me to keep going, he pulled me onto him and that really hurt, i hated it and wanted it to end, i tried pushing him off me and got the hint and pulled out, he then started fingering me again very roughly and it really hurt again. not long after i went to the toilet to get dressed, when i came out he was taking the piss out of me and was being patronising, he then gave me alcohol so i started drinking it, i started to get tipsy and his sister rang him to say she was going to be home soon so he told me we had to go, on the drive back to where i lived he kept trying to convince me to give him a blow job but i refused which annoyed him, he dropped me about 10-15 minutes away from where i lived and i had to stumble home. that night we were talking and he was saying that i looked and acted 16 and so he didnt feel bad that i was 13. i told him to stop talking to me and he started to send me messages saying 'i miss your p*ssy' and stuff so i told him to leave me alone! he eventually did. i told my bestfriend what had happened, but we then had a huge argument a few weeks later and she told this girl and she told EVERYONE, she even put it on facebook, but she only said i had sex with an 18 year old, everyone hated me and then my family found out and they hated me aswell (they still hold it against me now, they treat me like sh*t all the time and make comments..) months after my sister and i had a huge argument and she brought it up.. i got so worked up i went to the police station and told them what happened, a few days later a woman from where the boy lived came to get a statement and i had to explain everything, i could see the look of disgust on my mums face.. the 18 year old was arrested and taken into custody and questioned, he then found me on facebook and inboxed me saying 'the girl who cried rape. lost' . Months later a woman came to talk to me and she said he had said we didnt have sex and that i was forcing him to do stuff that he didnt want to do.. that just made everything worse.. a year later people are still bringing it up and judging me.. some times i cant even have sex with my current boyfriend because it just brings it all back(we have been together for 8 months)... i have only just explained it to him because i was worried he would judge me and i know he pretends to understand but i know he doesnt.. i just want to know theres someone else who understands what i have been through, i feel so alone
anonymous - 27/08/2023
ReplyHi,
Thank you for your email, I am sorry to hear what you have been through. It is important that even though this happened some time ago, you try to speak to someone about this if you can. It is important to know that you are not alone- and there are people you can speak to that can help.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Daniel
23/08/2023
I'm 18 i am in a relationship right now which i have been in for 5 years for the first three years everything went great no problems and trust but after three years it all changed she would hit me, call me names and would force me into having sex with her and say if i don't have sex she would go to the police and say i raped her.
She has kicked me, headbutted me gouged my eyes and hit me with objects like a laptop and chairs.
After an attack she starts crying and says sorry and says she won't do it again
she would say that no one would believe me because of my gender.
I am worried that one day she is gonna go too far and either kill me or cause serious injuries.
I don't know what to do should I stay or leave.
Daniel
Daniel - 23/08/2023
ReplyHi Daniel
Thank you for contacting us about this. Males can be victims of physical abuse too and I am sorry to hear what you are going through.
It is important that you try and find someone you trust to talk to. It can be hard to feel you can open up about the abuse, but please try to speak to someone that you trust and feel comfortable with.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
A video which may help you is this one produced by Dudley Safe and Sound partnership, which shows a male victim of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
Cache
15/08/2023
I've been dating this guy for a month now and he used to be sweet now I feel like he's turning into a jerk and I'm not having fun anymore and I need some advice on if this is anytype of abuse and if I need to hurry up and get away from the situation. Here it goes, he's always calling me names such as dummy stupid ugly skinny baldheaded when I have lots of hair he tries to tell me what to do like zip my jacket up and what to wear and what not to wear he talks about my hair booty and eyebrows..he calls me a crybaby when I tell him what I don't like so it's hard to tell him how I feel and I just keep it to myself so that it won't be a argument I feel like he can get mad and I can't..he askes me questions like who do I miss instead of saying do you miss me. He said fuck me in a playing matter and I didn't know how to go about that. He makes me feel low and unliked. One day we got into a heated argument and I told him that I didn't get any sleep that night and he responded o'well because I got my sleep I thought that was very cold. He tries to make me eat when I'm not hungry Im guessing he's trying to make mhe gain weight because he doesn't like the size I am now which is a size 1. I strongly like him but if it's an unhealthy relationship I will leave I just need confirmation that I'm dealing with abuse.! Thanks.!
Cache - 15/08/2023
ReplyHi Cache,
Thank you for your email.
It sounds as though you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Try and find someone you trust to talk to.
This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.
If you need to talk to someone in confidence contact Childline on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
This Is Abuse team - 20/08/2023
Alex
14/08/2023
Hiya, I am only 15 and I have had sex with a boy that i thought i was in love with. he went round telling everyone about me and now everyone knows so I get called a 'slag' and I just wish none of this would of happened! I don't know what to do now though because its all over and I felt that I was forced in to doing it and he told me that if I loved him then I should do it so I just did. I regret it now and the fact that it was behind a old building was terible as it was not the right place for it to happen. I do not no who to turn to anymore and I am thinking about telling my youth worker as I trust her, but im not sure what she is going to say and I am scared if anything will happen and my family would find out if I had to go to court or anything. please help as I am really unsure what to do? x
Alex - 14/08/2023
ReplyHi Alex,
Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear what has happened.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If you are or have been put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. Your youth worker sounds perfect- and will be able to offer you advice and help. You should not be worried about what he/she will say, they are there to help you with what ever you want or need to talk about and will be able to help you and talk you through the options available.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
MH
10/08/2023
When i was 6,my cousins boy and girl,both are 13,used to have sex with me.I didn't know it was wrong and went on for a few months.but now i realised and i'm hurt.i cant forget it and its always in my mind.haven't tell anyone.i have a low self esteem and im depressed,the thought of committing suicide always comes in my mind,can all these be the effect.what will i do?i'm 20 now.
MH - 10/08/2023
ReplyDear MH,
Thank you for your email. We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. It is important that you find someone that you feel comfortable and trust and explain that you are feeling depressed and suicidal. They will be able to help you seek help and the support you need to get through this.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
If you are feeling depressed or suicidal try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher,
The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
Laura
06/08/2023
Hey, im not sure if this is rape or not. Once my boyfriend of 18 months stayed at mine when my parents were away and when i woke up in the middle of the night he was having sex with me. but now everything has changed hes always making me feel like im worth nothing where as before he was so sweet. Im 20 and hes 19 and i might be pregnant. My head is all over the place i just need help.
Laura - 06/08/2023
ReplyHi Laura,
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
We think it is important that even though this happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. Please try and find someone you trust to talk to about the possibility of being pregnant. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
It sounds as though you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, again you need to try and find someone you trust to talk to.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult.
If you need to talk to someone in confidence Childline might be an option for you -on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Koyal Raichand
05/08/2023
Hi,
I am writing a novel about a traditional family and how its views change based on the situations they go through. In one particular part the daughter of the family gets raped by a boyfriend. Below is the summary of the incident's build-up and some questions which would be if answered.
Koyal Raichand is a sweet fifteen year old girl from a traditional Asian family, with huge reputation and billion-pound business ownership under their family name. Her family consists of Mum, Dad and 22-year old Brother Krish, who all dote her.
The Raichands are very close with their business partners the Aluvalias and are almost a family with them. The Als have a 20 year-old daughter, who is head over heels for Krish and a 17 year-old son Neev.
Koyal, although loved by all in the family, still feels pretty lonely, as her friends are only there for the rich gifts she showers on them. One of the most popular crowd at school, Koyal is the first one at the parties and her parents don't mind late-nights for her as they trust her.
When Neev moves into her school, from a boarding school, Koyal's friends are astonished by seeing how much he likes her company and dares her to kiss him. Koyal, despite knowing Neev's difficult childhood at boarding school chooses to play with his feelings ( she is fifteen, after all, and definitely not mature enough), and dumps him after their first kiss.
Life moves on as usual for Koyal, with her 'friend', sorry, 'best-friend' Candy begging her to be introduced to her hunky brother, Krish, while Koyal starts dating another Sixth-Former. But, things change as she her parents need to travel abroad urgently, leaving her in her brother's care, who finds her with her bf and gets pretty abusive, threatening to lock her up in the house, to protect the family honour.
Meanwhile, Candy, angered by Krish's ignorance of her, lies to Koyal saying how he tried to rape her when they were alone in his room. Koyal comes home in the evening and shouts at Krish, who gets violent again, telling her to shut up. Her mind connects his abusiveness, and Candy's lie together, and she leaves the house, telling him that she is afraid of him. She turns up at Neev's house, as she feels she can trust him, despite the rest of his family having gone abroad with Koyal's parents.
The evening starts off well, as they just talk and learn things about each others previously unknown, including, Koyal's position as the family sweet-heart being due to Krish's delinquency in studies, and that Neev was actually the son of his father with his father's best friend's wife, who later accused him of rape, despite their relationship being consensual, and was thus never loved by his father or his wife, for whom Neev was a proof of her husband cheating on her.
Neev's father calls him and tells him to behave in their absense, although, no girl would fall for a wimp like him, expressing his anger, as he had met his friend and his wife (Neev's bio-mom) abroad, thus taking out his anger and frustration at Neev.
After the call, anger, hatred, frustration for his father and her brother cause them to embark on adventurousness, leading them to start drinking out of his father's vodka collection. Soon both youngsters are thoroughly drunk when Neev starts to lose control and touch Koyal intimately.
She refuses, but he is too strong and she is tired and not to mention under the influence of alcohol. She keeps saying no and please don't, but he advances on, fueled by alcohol, his own frustration at Koyal dumping him, and his father's taunts, before finally sleeping with her.
The next morning, when they wake up and realize what happened, she fights him, shouts, cries, and finally tries to up his parents, but he restrains and her, and tells his sister, (who is the only one in his family who actually treats him with love and care), who picked up the phone, that he is madly in love with Koyal, and that he wants to marry her. He then begs Koyal not to tell anyone about what happened as his parents would surely kill him if they found out. He blames the alcohol for his deed and says he would stand by her no matter what, as he loves her(?)
Koyal too is scared of her brother's reaction and ideas of protecting family honour, as well as fear that she may become pregnant, and is undecisive about what to do.
What should Koyal do? Should she seek help and try to explain to her family what happened, and thus get Neev into big big trouble, or she keep quiet and accept Neev's marriage proposal, despite knowing that she can never ever trust him again (her parents wouldn't mind her marrying at 15, as long as she is sure and they still think Neev is the Als' 'real' son).
Also, if she does choose to speak out and possibly find legal help, what procedures would it be, as I am not acquainted to this sort of cases in real life, especially when help is seeken.
Koyal Raichand - 05/08/2023
ReplyHi,
Our advice, for individuals who have been forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that they did not feel comfortable with, is that it is totally unacceptable, was not their fault and that they should seek help.
Try and find someone they trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
You can find more details about the process and what to expect when reporting rape from suitable organisations on the Need Help page of the “Thisisabuse” website. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.
You can find out more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
This Is Abuse team - 20/08/2023
Owen Eastwood
04/08/2023
Hi I'm Owen and I'm 15 from Brighton. I would just like to say, I'm absolutely disgusted with your sexist campaign fuelled by misandry.
In ALL of your videos, it's about a man attacking a women. It happens both ways you know? If a guy abuses a girl everyone's sympathetic and the guy is severely punished, whereas the other way round, people just say the guy deserved it or had it coming. This means males are much more scared of coming forward so it APPEARS male abuse is more common. Please please please make some video adverts the other way round for the sake of equality and fairness.
Owen Eastwood - 04/08/2023
ReplyHi Owen
Thank you for contacting us about this. We are very aware that males can be victims of physical abuse too.
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.
If you’re a male suffering from abuse in your relationship try and find someone you trust to talk to. It can be hard to feel you can open up about the abuse, but please try to speak to someone that you trust and feel comfortable with.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
A video which may help you is this one produced by Dudley Safe and Sound partnership, which shows a male victim of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
jemma chapman
28/07/2023
i have been in a abusive violent relationship for 18 years, and i still suffer abuse even though im not with him, it has affected my health dramaticily and i take lots of tablets to control me. my children have been affected by this and my x partner does not stop. there is alot to my life that would take a long time to state everything. but for the last 3 years my partner was leading a double life with another family and when i found out i was beaten as a result. the excuse he gave me over the years was that he was with the witness protection programe so he could only see us on occasions. when he did see us he gave me loads of abuse this went on for 3 years and he still does it, i cannot make him stop.
jemma chapman - 28/07/2023
ReplyHi Jemma,
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through and that you continue to suffer.
Ending a relationship can be difficult and upsetting but if you’re being abused it’s very important for you and your families’ long-term physical and mental health that you are out of the relationship.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to about the physical and emotional abuse you are suffering. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Arthur
18/07/2023
Hey all. I have been in two abusive relationships in the past. Fortunately I got through it but I wanted to share my experiences. The first was when I was 15. My girlfriend at the time was okay most of the time, especially if we were around other people. In private though if she was ever irritated I had to stay away. She would scratch, bite, kick and shout at me, screaming at the top of her lungs. She would say horrible things about me to try and inflict psychological harm as well as the blatant physical harm. The worst was when she would say "Nobody will believe you because you're a boy." That really hurt to have my gender called out and it hurt even more because she was right. I tried to tell my friends but they thought I was joking, I didn't want to tell them I was serious because it felt shameful to be a man being abused by a woman. My second relationship was when I was 18 and living on my own. My girlfriend slowly became a very agressive person. She would say if I didn't do what she wanted she would accuse me of rape. She said it was a sure way to get me in trouble and that if I didn't listen to her I would end up in jail. That constant fear of her lying about rape was always on my mind. She would also force me to have sex and tell me if I didn't when she wanted to she'd physically harm my genitals, things like that. I hope I can reach some people with this, some people are just awful and these two women are examples. I'm just happy I was able to put them behind me and move on.
Arthur - 18/07/2023
ReplyHi Arthur,
Thank you for contacting us about this and sharing your experiences - I was sorry to read what you have been through. Males can be victims of physical abuse too.
It is good to hear that you have been able to move on but if you feel you need someone to talk to or more help, Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
A video which may help you is this one produced by Dudley Safe and Sound partnership, which shows a male victim of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
me
16/07/2023
I am 18 and my partner is 22 I have been with him almost a year and when I first met him everything was perfect. After a few months he began to become very jealous, now I am at the stage were he calls me names infront of his friends he often calls me a 'dog' tells me he has no feelings for me and then apologises and promises it wont happen again. He also can go out drinking with his friends whenever he wants but make sures I am not going out and if I say i want to he will say if I go its over then knowing i will stay home. He checks my phone and calls me all the time to see where I am if im a few minutes late to pick him up from work due to traffic I am 'seeing' someone else or have 'dropped' someone off. One time he ended the relationship for a few weeks because he said he wasnt get enough sex, he then came back telling me that he was sorry and he didnt mean it. Although alot of arguing goes on in the relationship it has never got violent apart from once, it was nothing major and he didnt leave a mark but I pushed him to it. After every argument I generally buy him a gift or apologise just so it doesnt blow out of proportion I hate feeling empty and lonely. I dont like the person I have become when I was younger I was so fiery and would never allow a male to treat me the way he does. But i am in love completely and i also may be pregnant. What do i do.
me - 16/07/2023
ReplyHi,
It sounds as though you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to.This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Ending a relationship can be difficult and upsetting but if you’re being abused it’s important for your long-term physical and mental health that you are out of the relationship.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult, especially if you think you might be pregnant.
If you need to talk to someone in confidence contact Childline on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk.
olivia
16/07/2023
i had a partner before and he said you would if you loved me does that mean he was tryin to force me to have sex ?
olivia - 16/07/2023
ReplyHi Olivia,
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help.
Bella
14/07/2023
Hello. I have been in a relationship for 3 years on the 26th of this month. I was 13, and met him online. He was 19, and I told him I was 15. We got on great, although he lived 4 hours away from me. Months after speaking, I told him I was 13, and he was angry. He agreed to stay with me because he loved me, and said that he was worried about what people would think. He never pressured me into anything. I'm now 16. The first 2 years of our relationship was perfect. No arguments, no trust issues. But now.. It's awful. I feel like I'm treading on egg shells when I talk to him, afraid he'll get angry. The way he looks at me sometimes makes me feel so small. He constantly asks who I'm speaking to when I'm on my phone, and loks over my shoulder. He gets annoyed when I'm out with my friends. His mother hates me, yet he makes me get along with her else he'll leave me. I honestly do love him, but he knows from my past how wrecked and needy I am. He plays on it.. He ignores me and shouts at me, calls me names and is just plain vile. When it's good, it's great. But when it's bad, I find myself self harming again, and no one is worth that. People tell me I should leave him, but I don't know if it's just me over exaggerating, whether I deserve it.. Is it abuse?
Bella - 14/07/2023
ReplyHi Bella,
It sounds as though you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, try and find someone you trust to talk to.This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Its important that you know that the abuse is not your fault, you certainly do not deserve it, it’s unacceptable and that support is available.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult. If you need to talk to someone in confidence contact Childline on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You also talk about self harming. Again try and find someone you trust to talk to. There are people who understand, and who can help you to stop hurting yourself and it is important that you seek help.
Alternatively you can call ChildLine- details above.
You can also go to http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa where you can find out more about self-harm and get advice. The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
Alex
13/07/2023
Your definition of rape/sexual assault is gender specific (see- "rape is when a man..."). But rape is not gender specific. Men, women and trans* people can be both perpetrators and victims. I think the definition you provide on your website needs to be changed. Even the law is beginning to reflect this new understanding.
Alex - 13/07/2023
ReplyAlex,
Thank you for your comment.
By definition, Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (i.e. rape) can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with a penis. A women can be convicted of a Section 2 offence (sexual assault), where there is intentionally penetration of the vagina or anus of another person (victim) with a part of his or her body or anything and object.
A person guilty of an offence under both section 1 and 2 is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment.
A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts. Both are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
Daniel
12/07/2023
men can be victims too in the hands of women. i see women hit men alot more. women take advantage of their privileges. im sorry, but find these adverts quite offensive and even some of my mates agree with me, female friends aswell. this will brain wash society that only women can be victims and men can only be perpetrators. its not a genger issue, women are just as capable of being abusive. think about it, woman hits man, people laugh, cheer or assume he has done something to deserve it. a man hits a woman people will attack and see him as a beast who want's control and power over women. im taking within personial experiences these stereotypes are true.
Daniel - 12/07/2023
ReplyDear Daniel
Thank you for contacting us about this. You are absolutely correct- males can be victims of physical abuse too.
If you’re suffering from abuse in your relationship try and find someone you trust to talk to. It can be hard to feel you can open up about the abuse, but please try to speak to someone that you trust and feel comfortable with.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Male victims of abuse of all ages can get help and support from the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 or visit www.mensadviceline.org.uk email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
A video which may help you is this one produced by Dudley Safe and Sound partnership, which shows a male victim of relationship abuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships.